I'm completely new here, and was wondering just where I stand on the lyrics front, cuz that's always my favourite part of a song. I'm warning you, I'm not very good, but I'm always looking to improve

This song came about while I was messing around in an alternate tuning on an acoustic guitar. I imagined it as a folkish guitar tune with a small kind of strings ensamble following it.

Thematically, this character rembering of a better and happier time, and I compared that to the events in Dante's Inferno. I do plan on breaking these topics down more in further songs. Album wise, I wrote this with the intention of an opening song


[Verse 1]
I came upon a dark wood
There flew a gentle breeze that the trees withstood

The night's sky shined pretty with light
A million stars stared at me in spite

It was dark and I was scared
Of the people under my bed

It's where desires use to hide
But now it's home to thoughts only vile in design.

[Chorus]
I can lie but will not sleep
Not until last winter's breeze
I threw it all away so fast
My conscience and all friends I had amassed

I can't get it right
I won't get it right
I can't get it right
I won't ever ever ever get it right

[Verse 2]
There i came upon an older man
He saw me and shook my hand
"Hell's coming for you my boy"
He said as if he had some joy

But the fire that wet my lips so long
Was gone just like lyrics in all my songs
I can't bother to sin anymore
I'm just too weak to do more wrong

"There's hope for men like you
Come with me and I'll show you through"
Then it was just us two
We passed beyond Hell's queue

The lion I killed long ago
And the wolf's far from Rome
But It's the leopard who I let roam
He dug his way right in my home

Virgil says Hell's not far
I look up and see a star

It's shine the shade of melamine
Reminds me of my computer screen
As I laid next to you it pet our laps
Below, secrets put under wraps

[Chorus]
I can lie but will not sleep
Not until last winter's breeze
I threw it all away so fast
My conscience and ill friends I had amassed

I can't get it right
I won't get it right
I can't get it right
I won't ever ever ever get it right

[Verse 3]
I hear children scream burned and charred
But it's only moaning cats in my backyard

Hell's hot fumes fill my eyes
But it's just that my room smells of digested fries

My vision's blurred and cloudy
But it's only tears exiting my body

I want to help all these souls who do wrong
But Virgil says to shut up and be calm

I pray and cry, then say goodbye
Sit down and grab my guitar
To write a few songs
All about how I live wrong

It was winter and it was cold
But we were friends and I wasn't alone
Still I ruin all gifts I get
What i said I still regret

[Chorus]
I can lie but will not sleep
Not until last winter's breeze
I threw it all away so fast
My conscience and ill friends I had amassed

I can't get it right
I won't get it right
I can't get it right
I won't get it right

Hi there!

Firstly, it's awesome that you care so much about lyrics ^^. I love writing them too, and totally understand the want to get better too! I know often that lyrics can get pretty personal to their writers too, so also wanted to say thanks for sharing! Got a lot of respect for that.

I would have a few suggestions if you're looking for them, but either way you've got an absolute beast of a theme there, and a pretty clear direction which is great! So keep going with it either way .

@ CupcakeKitten

Thank you! And yeah, I would definitely love to hear some suggestions if you have them!

It's way to artistic and poetic and vague, keep in mind the listener is only going to hear it once or twice unless it's stairway to heaven, and think aobut how accessible the lyrics of that tome are?

By the way I've commited your sin and still do, lol.

also right x4 at the end is no good.